Why turn our focus on our actions instead of the others.
We lead complicated lives. Sometimes we feel happy, and others do not. Yet, the sad thing is that we usually are overwhelmed. I do not mean busy, as most people are. (Too many tasks and unending lists. This fact touches on another topic). I am talking about worrying.
In this spot, I want to make it clear. It is okay and healthy to worry. But, it is beneficial only if it has a good reason.
All people have short and long-term needs and goals. They have work to do and roles to play every day. We may not realize it or do not take enough responsibility, but it is true.
The sad thing about how we react is in daily challenges. We do not turn to ourselves. The right move would be to check ourselves. Am I happy? Do I make the right choices? Or, how can I be productive, adventurous, calm, etc.? Then, we may visualize our lives in short-term and long-term periods and different areas.
We must see the obstacles and dream of the ways or solutions.
Then, we can add new habits or cut on old habits (remove the obstacles). We can try alone. We can ask for help. Our family and friends can be the first choices, and then books or some help from experts.
On the other hand, we usually do the exact opposite. Not follow the self-reflection approach, which makes sense logically and emotionally. And we do not search for solutions that improve our lives.
What are we doing?
We choose to let our days run us. We keep busy. Then when a pause appears, we cannot relax. We cannot stop thinking and worrying.
And then, instead of searching into us, we look into other people’s lives. So more problems emerge.
- We blame other people for our choices.
- We criticize other people for their good fortune.
- We become obsessive about other people’s mistakes.
- We scroll on our devices for a few minutes or hours.
The result?
- We feel inadequate.
- We want to be perfect, which is an illusion that keeps us down.
- We build wrong impressions about other people’s lives.
- We are absorbed in other people’s problems.
- The last one could be nice. But only if we help the people deal with their problems. Or if we understand ourselves better because we experience certain feelings about them.
The truth is
We may are
- Students,
- Workers,
- Employers.
- Unemployed
- None of the above.
Or
- Kids
- Spouses
- Siblings
- Parents, etc
Or
- Busy
- Focused
- Productive
- Creative
Or
- Loving
- Thoughtful
- Kind
- Generous
The thing is, what do we choose?
Unfortunately, most of us choose to compare, judge, or feel superior, inferior, and helpless.
It comes naturally to us.
Yet, it is worth it to try and make a change.
We can see that we all struggle.
Parenting or not
Married* or not
Working or not
Wealthy or not
Famous** or not
Young*** or not
We all have worries and face problems that steal our happiness.
Happiness is to focus on the moment. To live it in a meaningful present and build the future, too.
We have to study our history. We have to take care of ourselves. We have to be committed to our relationships (family and friends). To be creative and productive.
It is not possible to learn to be conscious all the time. And it is different when we get advice, inspiration, or a sense of belonging from other people’s experiences.
Information can be valuable and a great gift sometimes.
And, remember that the answer is in us and not in perceptions of us or the others.
NOTES
* In a relationship, we become antagonists with our partners. We believe that we are the ones who make compromises, and we are always right. We want to agree with our partners all the time.
But, I am sure that if we talk with the partner, they will say something else. They see things from their perspective. They do not have bad intentions.
So the best thing we can do is to communicate our feelings productively. We should examine both views. And guess what? Sometimes the best solutions come when two people decide and are happy with the results. The creativity of two people when they synergize is magical. It is something that none of them could have thought of without some help.
**We believe that actors, musicians, and artists are people with no problems. We watch them on stage when they look gorgeous and smiling. They seem confident. But, what we see is the surface. All people have problems and scars. So, the most liberating thing would be to realize that. We all are in the same boat. If we deeply understand our vulnerability, everything changes. We become kinder to ourselves and every other human being. We stop losing time focusing on other people’s lives. We start focusing on our actions, which are the only ones we can control. So our productivity increases.
*** We believe that happiness has to do with age. So babies are carefree without any problems.
Yet, this is a myth. Babies struggle, too. They experience physical and mental pain. They hurt at the time of birth and in the first months. They are missing their life in their mother’s belly when they have felt the experience of oneness.
They try all the time to learn and adapt. To be heard and loved.
